I'm a man of mercurial tastes and fancies. Ideas slip in and out of my head like clouds skirting across a Buffalo sky. Plans are formed and discarded, convictions flame and burn in a moments time. Sometimes I feel like I need to escape to the farthest reaches of the globe, at others, to surround myself with those that I love. A future in the army, faced with certain death, all in an effort to experience the absolute certainty that comes with such an environment. To search out a grounding love, filled with the unnamed moments that stir the soul. All options I've considered in less than 7 days.
I worry that this is a trait that I will forever carry. It's not exactly a feeling that something is perpetually missing or a 'grass is greener' syndrome. More of a resistance to complacency. Does this make me constantly unhappy and unfulfilled? I think not, but then again, these thoughts will change again before this beer is finished.
Ah, such is life. Such is the soul I have created for myself. Such is...
1 comment:
I feel like this most of the time. Its different, reading it from someone else's mind, but still the same, what, trait? (maybe its something we all have, somewhere.)
There is nothing wrong with hungering for new, unknown, more complex experiences. I think the hunt is fueled by the ability you have to realize the potential of possibility. There are an infinite number of perceptions to explore. You recognize the disparity between your current perspective and that of a soldier facing death, and that creates a hunger to understand. You, me, and many others give into that hunger and go for it.
Others, who I sometimes envy, are content to accept being "simple." (I realize that sounds completely rude and snooty. I do not mean it that way. I just can't think if a better word.) They don't recognize, or it just doesn't occur to them, that a soldier facing death is able to see and feel things they just CAN'T. And they probably wouldn't want to anyway, they don't have that urge.
But each experience, and subsequent shift in perspective, makes you a stronger human being. They each allow the unknown to become reality. It's amazing. And each leap creates "a resistance to complacency," which makes the you crave more.
It just makes life so much more FUN. I think.
Orrrrr, maybe I'm wrong and the secret to happiness is a 9-5 job, financial security, a 401k, and perhaps a luxury car.
Vom.
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